someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
