i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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