Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize