just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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