My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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