She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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