Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
