I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she peed on how many people?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
