So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
