11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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