I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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