I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
