I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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