Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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