she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
