Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize