I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
