If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
