she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize