My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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