I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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