I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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