Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize