Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I need moral support for this bender
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
