So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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