i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Found your dick twin last night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
