you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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