im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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