apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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