She said her name was "party"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
