He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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