I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize