oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
