If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
