Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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