Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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