I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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