i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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