Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
