I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
