just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
We need to rekindle our bromance
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
