drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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