His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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