don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
