it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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