I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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