I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
