I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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