I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
