fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
