i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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