Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
