Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
