Nicole vs. Life
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
