I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
