looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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