Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
