ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
