when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
