Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
