I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
