There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
